puppy dogs tails

"They'll just run around and start to play, you know how boys are. We'll need something for the girls though. Water balloons, or a craft. Man, boys and girls are just so different" This is what I heard a mother say in the locker room of my gym today. She was planning a party. This comment shares the same thoughts and feelings I hear everyday in my locker room, at the play ground, pretty much everywhere I go that there are mothers present. Yet until VERY recently this fact was denied by most academics in the fields of Education, Psychology, and Gender Studies. I would know. I was an English Education major with a strong emphasis on Women's Studies.

As I sat in class and listened attentively to my professors bemoan the gender programing of little boys and girls I nodded and took notes. It is bad to push fire trucks on boys and barbies on girls. I hated barbies, with their stupid blond hair and blue eyes, so did my sister. We dressed my brother up in dresses and make-up and he's "normal". My opinions were only reinforced and inflamed through my experiences as a successful Division I track and field athlete. My children would be raised in gender neutral atmosphere, and they were.

So what changed you ask? I had not one, but two sons. The second one more testosterone charged than the first. Irony has a way of forcing insight on those it affects. As my second son hit the age of three my husband left for three months to start a business in another state. As luck would have it I was left alone to deal with a freshly potty trained boy. Let us not be coy, a boy with a new affinity for his working parts. I had never had this experience, to this degree. It was his favorite toy. On top of that endearing quality he broke things, he was impulsive, rambunctious. The child was an ogre. Yet so sweet I'd pucker up all over. He called me his "sweet pwincess mommy". My personality hardly fits that of a princess, a bar wench maybe, but not a princess. So I needed help.

I wasn't programming him to be this stereotypical boy, or to have him see me, a girl, as delicate, I didn't even get cable! Where was it coming from? Finally, I came to the conclusion it was coming from within. My older son never behaved so primally, and my husband wasn't there to taint my youngest son. The child grunted as an infant instead of crying, and flexed his muscles incessantly. It was as if I had spawned Bruce Campbell.

I researched and read every book on raising boys I could get my hands on. I also went back to my gender studies materials. Which, I might add, would be very helpful in raising a girl, but of no use in raising a boy! Dobson angered me in what I considered to be his blatant sexism, as did an obscure book, I can't find anywhere now, by a feminist who had three sons of her own. I did how ever find "Raising Boys" by Steve Bidduph to be quite informative and helpful. Little did I know that all this innocent research I was doing to understand my youngest son would prove crucial (along with my background teaching Special Education and At-Risk kids) in saving my oldest son from the grips of the Boys with ADHD phenomena the following year.

Because of my oldest sons experiences at school this year I have started this blog. To share what I know with other parents. I'm terrified of what will happen to those boys whose parents do not know what I know. This is a place where I will post our experiences as well as information and links to help other parents of boys. It is important to know that one third of boys between 22 and 34 are living at home. I you want to free your son you need to know more. I suggest reading, "Raising Boys", and "Boys Adrift" by Leonard Sax (http://www.boysadrift.com/) and keeping up with this blog. Keep on your son's teacher. If you EVER hear his teacher say "I think your son has ADHD" get ready for a knock down drag out! Teachers are not doctors. I will post later on this topic, from my experience with my son's school, and my experience as a teacher who worked mainly with kids diagnosed ADHD. For now I'm signing off! Read on to empowerment!